A Business Lunch
by clockwork starlight
Summary: There are no coincidences you know. A random scenario that lines up with canon very well; in which Yuuko has a trump card, D has sugar, and Watanuki has a spasm.


Pulling the dragon-induced blackout from Petshop of Horrors: Tokyo and the chapter/episode of xxxHolic with the silhouette birds. Two adventures on a night of the full moon seemed too good to pass up. The Pikachu is a reference to one omake where D is dressed up like James from Team Rocket. It was frickin cute.

D isn't actually good at keeping his composure unless he has a customer, and Yuuko delights in getting under people's skin; I figured Yuuko would whup his ass at poker face-ing and clean him out of his chips.

I get odd ideas, and I never really make excuses for them, so here. Have some random.

Neither funny nor serious, just... here.

* * *

The young Chinese man stops at the gate. Watanuki notices him immediately because he apparently shops at the same place Yuuko does. What's odd though is that both pairs of mismatched eyes meet each other, and yet the man doesn't have the lost puppy look he associates with people who find themselves at the front gate. Watanuki leans the broom against the verandah and offers to show him inside.

"Yuuko-san! There's a customer. Please—" He gestures futilely for her to fix the open neck of her loosely tied kimono with the hand not tipping Mokona out of the other chair.

"Ah, I'm not a customer," the guest says with a slight flavor of frantic hurry, like a mouse that sees a cat, but is not sure if she will attack or just roll him around to amuse herself.

"Count D." Yuuko's greeting is to blow rivers of smoke at him lazily.

"I'm afraid my grandfather is the only bearer of that title," he explains as he daintily takes a seat, a note of resignation in his voice. "But I am most pleased to make the acquaintance of the extraordinary Ichihara Yuuko-hime."

She tilts her head in approval, and her eyes fall on the unmistakable cardboard box. As if reading her thoughts he offers her the dessert selection.

"Watanuki. Tea," she commands, waving him to take the box and present it nicely.

The Count's spawn lays a delicate hand on her slave's elbow. "If you have oolong or black tea leaves, that would be best." He smiles winningly at the boy, who nods jerkily, biting down a stream of vituperation because he's in the presence of company and walks stiffly to the kitchen. Mokona immediately jumps up and volunteers to help.

A long elegant hand plucks it out of the air.

"And what are you?"

"Mokona is Mokona!" it chirrups and bounds away, aiming to lace the tea with something stronger and probably flammable.

Yuuko sits up and arranges her kimono about her shoulders.

"So what brings the Marquis de Carabas of the Orient to my humble shop? Surely you don't have… a wish?"

"Aiyah, nothing of the sort. Simply a greeting from one business owner to another." He gives her a gracious smile, mysterious and beautiful. It's like looking in a mirror. A mirror with a most unfortunate taste in hair stylists. The embroidered cranes on both of their clothes seem to laugh at the other. "I recently set up shop in Kabukicho. I'm discovering Japan has a number of creatures I've never heard of; you must tell me, what is a Mokona? Is it by any chance related to a pikachu?"

She gives him an enigmatic smirk of her own in return. "Mokona is Mokona, nothing more nothing less. Now tell me why you've really come."

"But the tea hasn't been served yet!" He looks slightly aghast at her disregard for etiquette.

"Why spoil good food with business? Besides, if you are anything like your grandfather you won't be able to think in the presence of sugar."

He pouts from behind his curtain of hair, but concedes the point.

"On the night of the full moon," he begins, "the princess of Gyoen's lake will be married—"

There's a crash and muffled screams, followed by girlish chanting 'not for you, not for throwing'. Yuuko gestures him to continue expectantly.

"I have been charged with clearing the path for her wedding procession. Since Japan is not my homeland, and I can not expect all of the dragon lords to come here at my request, I thought I would seek some… local assistance."

"Not enough people owe you a favor? How surprising."

Watanuki arrives with a tray of cakes and tea, which drives away all sense of urgency. D's face lights up like Christmas and he wastes no time spooning a disgusting amount of sugar into his cup.

Yuuko's lip twitches but she only nibbles on a strawberry. "Asking the ryuujin to for anything, even to listen to a request, is not cheap."

"Of course I'm willing to pay for your help," D says through enough sweetened tea to kill a bear.

"You'd better be," Watanuki mutters while Mokona successfully evades his grasping hands and sucks down five slices of ganache pastry. The duck puppet casually bites the boy on the nose. He heads out of the room, growling like a far away storm, or one of those little bald dogs that have been gaining popularity in Shinjuku.

She eyes her prey calculatingly. "A wedding is nice, but a full moon calls for drinking. Birdsong would be perfect for a night of celebrating, don't you agree?"

"If that is what you wish."

"I never wish," she informs him tartly.

"My apologies, I meant to say we have a deal."

"Wonderful, in that case Watanuki! More snacks!"

Watanuki sputters indignantly and wheels around like an apoplectic kite. Sure enough there is nothing on the table except porcelain. The Count is looking forlornly at the naked china so Watanuki marches back and snatches up all the empty plates and stalks into the kitchen.

"What a charming stray cat." D's eyes dance with laughter and something inhuman. The boy tastes almost the same as himself. As Macduff was also born of no woman, perhaps the two of them will win their respective campaigns.

"He makes the most delicious chocolate torte," she confides proudly.

"Since he seems dissatisfied working here, do you think—"

The mismatched eyes sparkle with eager anticipation, and Yuuko doesn't hesitate to trample on it like so many dead leaves.

"Say a word and I will make it a point to grant a certain American's wish at a discount, _Count_." She levels him with her best businesswoman stare and is pleased with the look of dread the spreads across his face before his own trade mask is up.

D is quite sure he can't handle Woo-Fei _and_ Leon but Yuuko can't possibly—

"You really should embrace the age of information. I myself have an internet handle. Do you know how many happy, live customers you have that post in forums all over the world? There's a certain BabeMagnetLion that is always very interested in where this fantastic pet place is." She gives him a mischievous grin. "For a week or so he was convinced my humble shop was what he was looking for. I ended up sending him my picture to prove it wasn't. After that he kept saying he would definitely check it out in person. Both inconveniences are _your_ fault."

"I-I understand." D raises a hand to massage his temple with a look of defeat. "I will send that payment along with the other."

"See that you do. Now tell me if you really have a totetsu and how you managed to catch it."


End file.
